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Hi! We’re Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our thirties who have been exploring non-monogamy for over 15 years. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship styles to hear their amazing stories. Many of our guests identify as swingers or polyamorous. However, quite a few have redefined non-monogamy in their own way by creating a unique dynamic that works for them. We hope that by giving a voice to the diverse community exploring non-monogamy that we can show people they are not alone and inspire them to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame. We hope you enjoy the show and who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be up for sharing your own story. We’d love to hear it!
Episodes
Wednesday Oct 25, 2023
Wednesday Oct 25, 2023
Rachel's first appearance on the podcast was over 300 episodes, and five years ago. She originally shared her story on episode 8 with her partner and used a pseudonym. A lot has changed since then.
Rachel has been exploring non-monogamy for close to a decade. Initially, she and her partner were in a hierarchical relationship where they explored swinging, dating as a couple, and a bit of polyamory. As time went on, their dynamic shifted and they eventually found themselves in a pseudo-quad dynamic where there was much less hierarchy. More recently, she has embraced the concept of being her own primary partner, while investing in a committed relationship.
Rachel is incredibly eloquent and vulnerable in this interview. We have amazing conversations about maintaining friendship after transitioning a romantic partnership, rekindling romantic partnerships after a breakup, processing the grief and loss of a relationship, the power and vulnerability in asking for help and leaning on your support system, and we dig into capacity and healing around commitments and expectations. There is so much that is wonderful about this conversation.
If that wasn't enough... Rachel is also a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW-C) and an AASECT certified sex therapist (CST). She is kink, poly, and LGBTQ friendly with a wide range of experience working with individuals and couples on a myriad of treatment issues, including sexuality, communication, conflict, life transitions, lack of emotional or physical intimacy, depression, anxiety, trauma, and more. Please learn more at aliveintimacy.com.
Wednesday Oct 18, 2023
Wednesday Oct 18, 2023
This conversation is beyond powerful. We say that often and we always mean it. This is no exception to the rule.
About a year ago Anna and Andy opened up their relationship after being together for over 30 years. They'd talked about it for a long time, and finally did it. They even had a plan and lots of agreements. And then, the first person they met was J! J has been exploring non-monogamy for about a decade in a wide range of configurations and now he, Anna, and Andy are in a V together with Anna as the hinge.
The power in this conversation comes from how these three vulnerably dig into the really beautiful work they've all have had to do to get here. Anna has ADHD and is Autistic, Andy has ADHD, and J is Autistic. Learning to navigate a hinge relationship while meshing multiple neurodivergencies has been revolutionary for all three of them. We talk a lot about the relief that comes from not having to mask anymore and at the same time, the challenges that come with it as well.
We also dig into healing from intense religious upbringings (Anna and Andy were both raised by parents who were pastors), deconstructing the patriarchy and ownership, and forming relationships with metamours. Again, this conversation is beautiful, powerful, and even full of laughs. Enjoy!
Wednesday Oct 11, 2023
Wednesday Oct 11, 2023
This is such a deep, vulnerable, and beautiful conversation. Orit and her husband discussed opening their relationship fairly early on. However, personal history and trauma made the conversations scary and triggering for Orit.
She shares with us her powerful journey of healing over the last decade and how she and her husband currently explore polyamory together. She speaks elegantly about her path of healing trauma, transitioning and grieving relationships, holding multiple opposing truths at once, her brief experiences in swinging, and so much about new relationship energy (NRE). We absolutely love this one and hope you do, as well.
Orit doesn't just walk the walk, she also loves helping others. She is a Board-Certified Dance/Movement Therapist, a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist, and has a MS in Dance/Movement therapy with over 13 years of experience.
As she says on her website:
"I call myself a Trauma and Relationship Expert because I’ve helped thousands heal from past wounds and improve their relationships. But to be honest with you – I’m still making mistakes in my own relationships. I’ve had 10+ years of therapy, coaching, and plant medicine journeys – yet, I’m still learning.
I’ve grown so much since the days I used to sabotage my relationships with uncontrollable jealousy and fear. A decade ago, I could barely stand the idea of my husband texting another woman. Now, we’re in a loving & stable polyamorous marriage. Healing does and can happen! I am living proof and it is my mission to share it with the world as best as I can.
This has been far more than a personal transformation. This is my calling."
Please check out all of her amazing work at www.oritkrug.com.
Wednesday Oct 04, 2023
Wednesday Oct 04, 2023
"You have to do the work..." gets thrown around all the time these days in love and relationships. Never before have we heard a more powerful discussion of what "the work" is than this one with Bru and Mark. They talk through the raw and beautiful work they have both done individually, and together, to get to where they are today.
They're both in their mid-thirties and are high school sweethearts who have been married for over 18 years. They're also about two years into a very slow and intentional opening of their relationship. They opened, explored, paused, redesigned, and are now opening again.
Again, this conversation is incredible from beginning to end. Bru and Mark talk so vulnerably about their experiences growing up intensely Evangelical Christian, leaving the church, healing complex PTSD, and finding and rebuilding a loving and supportive community around themselves. Enjoy!
Wednesday Sep 27, 2023
Wednesday Sep 27, 2023
Rachel Lark is a bisexual, kinky, polyamorous, cis female musician, performer, and writer. And that's all before she's had her morning coffee! Raised by two sex-positive philosophers, Rachel tends to question most things, rather than blindly following the herd. In a similar fashion, this is one of our more philosophical interviews about non-monogamy. We absolutely love it and hope you do as well.
As we mentioned, Rachel is a musician and performer. What we didn't tell you is that she is an AMAZING musician and performer and you should definitely check out her website for more information on her work and her current fall 2023 tour!
One last thing... Many of the world's greatest creative minds and artists make their living $5 and $10 at a time by finding their most loyal and supportive fans. Please consider supporting Rachel's work by contributing to her Patreon.
It may seem crazy, and it's hard to explain how much getting a new Patreon supporter means to indie artists and creators. She has about as many supporters as we do in our virtual community and we know how much it makes our day when we get a new member. Emma and I still text each other immediately to celebrate. I imagine it's the same for Rachel. Here's that link again.
Friday Sep 22, 2023
Friday Sep 22, 2023
Quick episode announcing the our new Ask Us Anything episodes!
Fin is teaming up with Meshai from Expansive Connection coaching to answer all of your non-monogamy related questions!
Your question will be played on the podcast.
Keep your question to 2 minutes or less.
Do not use names or identifying information about people.
Please be in a quiet place when you record.
This helps ensure the highest audio quality possible.
Thank you!
Keep your question to 2 minutes or less.
Do not use names or identifying information about people.
Please be in a quiet place when you record.
This helps ensure the highest audio quality possible.
Thank you!
Wednesday Sep 20, 2023
Wednesday Sep 20, 2023
This is one of those interviews you'll listen to over and over... Chaneé is absolutely full of incredible experience and wisdom. She is a 36 year old, black, pansexual, polyamorous mom, wife, partner, event planner, coach, and educator. She grew up in an evangelical Christian family and ultimately started questioning who she wanted to be in the world around the time she was 19.
Fast forward a few years and she and her now-husband opened their relationship pretty much from the beginning and then, accidentally found themselves in their first triad. Over the last decade, Chaneé has dedicated herself to researching, understanding, and teaching the world about polyamory and non-monogamy.
One of the things we love about Chaneé's work is that her teaching is not theoretical. It is extremely practical and pragmatic, as you will hear in this conversation when she talks about what "good communication" actually means. And how to practice it.
Please support all of Chaneé's work by checking out her LinkTree. And, please remember to pre-order your copy of A Polyamory Devotional!
Wednesday Sep 13, 2023
Wednesday Sep 13, 2023
Lauren and Lars have been together for about 20 years and decided to open their marriage about five years ago. They initially opened slowly at a pace they both felt safe with. They used their weekly date nights to read and study The Ethical Slut and they got super intentional about their relationship and getting connected before they dove in. And then... Dive right in, they did!
Lauren and Lars are pretty active in the swinging lifestyle and also blur the lines a bit between friends and more. One of the things we love about our conversation is how they embrace the power of human connection, regardless of labels. We also have some beautiful conversations about what the early days of opening up looked like for them when they weren't exactly sure what they were wanting, or what was even available.
Bringing it around full circle, Lauren is now a lifestyle coach who works with people of all orientations who are interested in the lifestyle and consensual non-monogamy. She's a trained co-active coach and has completed Gottman Level 1 Training, as well. Please check out her website to learn more!
Wednesday Sep 06, 2023
Wednesday Sep 06, 2023
Natalie and her husband have been exploring non-monogamy for over 25 years. They initially opened their marriage as they were redesigning it after it was rocked by an infidelity. For about the first decade they explored swinging and dating together. When her husband got deployed, they decided to give polyamory a try and it opened a whole new world for both of them.
Natalie shares honestly and vulnerably with us about the challenges, and the powerful beauty, of her decades long journey of exploring who she is through non-monogamy. She talks about how she's developed beautiful metamour relationships, built community so her partners aren't her only support system, and how she's built a home that now includes her husband's partner cohabitating with them.
Still not enough for you?! Perfect! Head over to Natalie's Medium account where you can read so much more about her adventures!
Wednesday Aug 30, 2023
Wednesday Aug 30, 2023
We absolutely love this conversation! So much of this episode is about the never ending journey of trying to figure out how to embrace who you truly are and how to love others for who they are.
As Casey was growing up, she often had different interests than many of her friends and people around her. She learned quickly to stuff those desires down and developed a lot of shame around who she was.
Casey started dating and got into her first relationship when she was a junior in college. However, she found herself struggling to maintain monogamous commitments and often ended up cheating or pursuing serial monogamy. Neither of which felt good to her, or were the ways she wanted to be relating to people she cares for and loves.
About a decade ago, she entered into a partnership that was open from the very beginning. She and her partner worked together to open slowly in a way that worked for them and gave her the space to process some of the shame that she had been carrying for her whole life.
Casey is now embracing and exploring her queerness and her polyamorous journey in her personal life and in her professional life. Taken directly from her website www.caseycalvert.com, "I realized that I really liked the part of me that I tried to keep hidden from the world, and I wanted to share her with more people. So I started moving away from topless glamour shoots to fully nude fetish. But that wasn’t enough. The exhibitionist in me wanted more. Hardcore porn was the next step."
Besides being an inspiration in her personal and relational lives, she does the same as a porn performer, content creator, writer, director, and producer. She works closely with Erika Lust and ListCinema to produce fantastic feminist porn and sex-positive content. Her latest project is a series called Primary, which tells the stories of multiple people exploring polyamory in an honest and sexy way. We encourage you to please go check out and support all of Casey's work.