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Hi! We’re Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our thirties who have been exploring non-monogamy for over 15 years. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship styles to hear their amazing stories. Many of our guests identify as swingers or polyamorous. However, quite a few have redefined non-monogamy in their own way by creating a unique dynamic that works for them. We hope that by giving a voice to the diverse community exploring non-monogamy that we can show people they are not alone and inspire them to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame. We hope you enjoy the show and who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be up for sharing your own story. We’d love to hear it!
Episodes
Wednesday Mar 01, 2023
Wednesday Mar 01, 2023
This conversation with Brian is so amazing and covers so many facets of relating to other humans, regardless of your relationship dynamic. Brian is a cis, queer, polyamorous, sex and relationship educator who grew up evangelical Christian and came out as queer in 2004. He's been with his partner for over 14 years and they slowly opened their relationship about a year into it. And today, he is also one of the co-founders of queertheology.com!
One of the things we love about talking with Brian is how he weaves incredible learning moments into all of his experiences in life. We have great conversations on hierarchy, communication, rules and constraints, labels, the power of fluidity in relationships, and the intersection of spirituality and non-monogamy... All packed into one podcast!
A bit more about Brian that we borrowed from his website:
Brian G. Murphy is an activist, educator, and certified relationship coach. He studied film production and religion at the University of Southern California as a Presidential Scholar and was inducted into Theta Alpha Kappa, the national honor society for religious studies and theology.
Before turning to activism, Brian worked in Hollywood on a number of film and television projects and produced a pilot for a national broadcast network. He received nonviolence training through Soulforce, media training from GLAAD, and participated in the 2007 Equality Ride, engaging in direct action activism at anti-LGBTQ colleges in the USA.
Today he is the co-founder of QueerTheology.com, a resource hub, podcast, and online community, which explores how queerness and spirituality enrich one another; and Relationshift, a relationship coaching practice helping LGBTQ+ and polyamorous people build thriving relationships on their own terms.
He is co-author of Queers The Word and a sought-after speaker at colleges, churches, and conferences across the country. Brian has worked with GLSEN, Athlete Ally, Born This Way Foundation, and the Human Rights Campaign, as well as a number of local, grassroots organizations. His work has been featured in Vice, BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, Upworthy, and NBC News.
Wednesday Feb 22, 2023
Wednesday Feb 22, 2023
Sara is an amazing, community-building badass! She's been exploring non-monogamy since 2006 when she and her husband decided to open their marriage after reading Stranger in a Strange Land. Fast forward to today and Sara has navigated opening a marriage, having a child, transitioning her marriage to co-parenting, solo polyamory, and nesting again with a different partner. Sara talks about her journey in a way that beautifully weaves her story with valuable learning opportunities around everything from codependency to the importance of community.
Sara is also the co-creator of Southwest Love Fest. She and Kate (Ep. 274) have spent the last four years building an incredible community-driven conference in Tucson, AZ. In short, Southwest Love Fest is an annual conference on relationships, identity, community, and non-monogamy. We are presenting a workshop at this year's conference. If you'd like to join us and save 10%, use the code EMMA at checkout!
Wednesday Feb 15, 2023
Wednesday Feb 15, 2023
We rarely recommend gathering your kids for one of our interviews, but here we are. We'll wait for you to wrangle the whole family. Got everyone? Good.
Susan has been exploring non-monogamy for over 30 years in a beautifully fluid dynamic that blends swinging, kink, and polyamory together. She elegantly weaves her personal story in with the powerful activist work she has done to make the world a better place for people in the ethically non-monogamous and kink scenes. Along the way we talk about building community, being outed, the power of labels, living life to the fullest, and adventuring! Did we mention this conversation is fantastic?
Non-monogamy isn't just a hobby for Susan... It's her life's work. She founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom back in 1997 and has spent the last 25+ years advocating for consenting adults in the kink and non-monogamy lifestyles by fighting discrimination and persecution through direct services. Please go support all of the critical work that Susan and the NCSF are doing.
Wednesday Feb 08, 2023
Wednesday Feb 08, 2023
Kate was accidentally monogamous for a bit, but as long she can remember, non-monogamy has been who she is. She's a mother of two, a community leader and builder, a therapist, and an all around kick-ass human. We have some amazing conversations with her about her time at the Kinsey Institute, relating to metamours, how attachment styles manifest in her relationships, community parenting, and the power of community.
If all of that wasn't enough for you, Kate is also the co-creator of Southwest Love Fest! SWLF is an annual conference on relationships, identity, community, and non-monogamy. We highly recommend checking it out, not just because Kate is amazing, but because we'll be running a workshop there in April! For more info and how to save 10% when you sign up, check out the links below!
Wednesday Feb 01, 2023
Wednesday Feb 01, 2023
Libby and Cal have been playing music together for the last five years and about three years ago they stopped fighting their urges and embarked on a romantic partnership as well. On Libby's side, she has never been in an officially monogamous relationship. For Cal, he's always felt he was non-monogamous but didn't have the language or framework for it until about a decade ago when he got out of his marriage.
We have so many amazing conversations with Libby and Cal during this interview. They share with us how they were able to transition from a working relationship to adding a romantic one. We also talk about navigating polyamory as a very shy person. And, we touch on how these two balance everything in their lives. As Libby says, her life is "3 partners, 3 children, 4 chickens, and a cat!"
Libby and Cal are also incredible musicians! Their latest album has some non-monogamous undertones (and tones in general) and is called "If You've Given Up on Love then Let's Call it Something Else"... Check out and support their work on Libby's website!
Wednesday Jan 25, 2023
Wednesday Jan 25, 2023
Casey and her husband have an absolutely incredible story. They met during a blind date threesome, ended up getting married a few years later, and are now exploring a hotwife dynamic together. However, the insight and power in this conversation reaches far beyond hotwifing and swinging. We don't dig into the sexy stuff together, we dig into the emotions, the feelings, and some really big challenges she, and they, have overcome.
Casey explored the swinging lifestyle for almost two decades as a solo female/unicorn before meeting her husband (who was also exploring the lifestyle as a solo person). After coming together, they crafted a dynamic that worked for them both. And then the world shut down and their world was turned upside down. At that point, she lost her sex drive and they had to tear their relationship down to the basics... Literally practicing holding hands and cuddling for months to rebuild their connection.
Casey is incredibly vulnerable with us about what her journey has been like exploring the swinging lifestyle for nearly twenty years. She talks about the emotional impact it had on her, the judgment and confusion she experienced, and how being a unicorn helped her to really find herself. She also talks about how the lifestyle has given her and her partner the tools to study one another and drive each other wild while experiencing new adventures through trial and error, and so much more. Truly, this episode is about so much more than being a hotwife...
If you need more Casey in your life, definitely go check out all of her work. She's written three books about her journey and she is crushing it on Only Fans as well. Here is a link to all of her work!
Wednesday Jan 18, 2023
Wednesday Jan 18, 2023
Cat and EJ are back after 252 episodes and almost a full five years! They first came on the show back on episode 19... Way way back! No need to go back and listen if you haven't yet, we'll catch you up and you can go listen afterwards. We promise you'll want to.
This conversation picks up Cat and EJ's journey where we left off back in 2018. They were just at the start of transitioning from a swinging-style approach to non-monogamy to more of a polyamorous dynamic. They were just learning words like "boundaries" back then! Hey, who isn't, these days?!
We get an amazing update on how the journey has been going and what other big life changes have happened along the way. There's a few! We also have great conversations on the boundaries we mentioned before, ask vs. guess culture, different types of desires, and how the pandemic impacted, and possibly even rejuvenated their relationship!
Another big change is EJ's career... He's now a Licensed Master Social Worker with a prior background of 20+ years in the military, followed by current experiences working with a diverse intersection of individuals and relationships, focused on improving their ability to communicate productively. Together with another former guest, they're hosting some incredible virtual intimacy workshops. Click here to learn more and to support their work!
Wednesday Jan 11, 2023
Wednesday Jan 11, 2023
Rose identifies as monogamish and her favorite relationship dynamic is a committed longterm partnership "with room to explore." She also identifies as a lesbian, but she's insatiably curious about all things sex, and so sometimes the boxes and labels don't align with her curiosity and desire to explore.
Rose is a legacy non-monogamist in a few different ways. Her parents are non-monogamous as well, and of course we have an amazing conversation on that. She's also our third interview with a lead orgy-nizer of the Yale Orgy Team. For anyone questioning whether Yale actually has an orgy team, they technically don't. But what else do you call an open-minded group of students who regularly organize sex parties? That sounds like a team effort to us!
Orgies really aren't the focus of our conversation, however... We talk about so many incredible things with Rose. She digs into discovering your desires through exploration and how to expand your comfort zone safely. We also have a great conversation about sexual health and safety. And yes, we get into some tips for creating a welcoming orgy atmosphere. Fin even dishes on some never-before-heard orgy stories of his own. If you were thinking about skipping a week, this isn't the week to skip!
Wednesday Jan 04, 2023
Wednesday Jan 04, 2023
Lara and John got married over 30 years ago, 9 months after their first date at the library... About 22 years ago they opened their relationship and started blazing their own trail without a script or resources. The initial catalyst was Lara's bisexuality, but there was so much more to it than that.
They've been tweaking the formula together and finding what works for them in the moment ever since. They started with more of a swinging focus and learned that polyamory with a bit more autonomy was a better fit. As is often the case, the lines get blurry when it comes to labels. For these two, the most important thing is supporting each other in their passions, dreams, and life.
These two have such a beautiful approach to living life together that hinges on a few core themes. One of which is "We just don't get all up in each other's space!" They love time together but they encourage autonomy and self-exploration.
It turns out Lara and John don't just foster exploration in each other, it's a core value of who they are. This is why we also get to answer the question "What happens when you're at a poly meetup and your son walks in with his new partner?"
Lara has also written a series of novels that are very loosely based on their experience together. Please go support her work on her website.
Wednesday Dec 28, 2022
Wednesday Dec 28, 2022
As long as Stephanie can remember she's been attracted to, and curious about, lots of different people. Of course, most of us are conditioned for this to not be something to embrace and so she didn't know what to do with it all. She began exploring her sexuality in her twenties and ended up in a relationship where she was able to start dipping her toes into non-monogamy with a partner before diving deeper into solo polyamory.
Throughout this beautiful interview she shares with us how she has learned and grown along her journey. Not only does she share her intimate story with us, she made an incredible film that is loosely based on some of her experiences. Our conversation weaves in themes from the film as we discuss the crossover to her real life and what non-monogamy looks like for her.
Stephanie Sellars is a New York-based filmmaker, writer, and performer. Her award-winning debut feature film, Lust Life Love, premiered at the Berlin Independent Film Festival and was released by 1091 Pictures on worldwide VOD platforms. She has also written, produced, directed, and acted in many award-winning short films, and her jazz album, Girl Who Loves, can be found on Spotify, iTunes and other music platforms. She holds an MFA in film from Columbia University and an MFA in creative writing from Bennington Writing Seminars. Lust Life Love can be watched on many platforms, including Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Google Play and Tubi.