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Hi! We’re your hosts Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our late thirties and we’ve been exploring non-monogamy in different ways since nearly the beginning of our relationship more than twenty years ago. But, this podcast isn’t about us…
We strongly believe there isn’t a “right way” to be non-monogamous or even that non-monogamy is better or more evolved than monogamy or any other relationship style. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship style to learn from their incredible and powerful personal stories.
Each episode is a unique perspective and personal story… Pick one that sounds interesting and give it a listen!
We hope that by sharing the amazing journeys of those who are redefining and pushing the limits of what’s possible in relationships that we can show people that they’re not alone and inspire us all to embrace our true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame.
Episodes
Apr 3, 2024
Apr 3, 2024
1hr 12 min
We are so excited to have Dr. Evelin Dacker back after more than four years... And this time, she's here to tell her incredibly powerful personal story!
Dr. Dacker takes us on her journey of self-discovery over the course of more than three decades of being in relationships. She remembers having compersion from a very young age, even if she didn't have the words for it, and she's always felt like she was non-monogamous. Yet, like many, she got swept off her feet and into a 20-year detour of monogamy. Then, in her mid-forties, she joined a roller derby team and made a very intentional decision to shift her life and relationship in an effort to not completely lose her sexuality...
From her website www.evelindacker.com :
I am a Mexican-American, bicultural, bilingual, trauma-informed, Integrative Family Physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life. My unique approach to health incorporates pleasure as an important aspect for healing trauma and illness. In addition to practicing medicine, I specialize in teaching a sex positive approach to sexually transmitted disease, am the creator of the STARS Talk framework for intimacy communication, and work toward incorporating sexuality into primary care through educating health care providers on sex-positivity. In addition, I hold workshops on consent and sexual communication geared toward young adults to help reduce sexual assault on college campuses.
Mar 27, 2024
Mar 27, 2024
1hr 28 min
Romi has always been an insatiably curious person who questions the status quo. This combination has led him to a life full of incredible adventures and human connection.
Romi describes the first decade of his marriage as "monogamous, yet adventurous..." and he takes us along for the ride as he tells his powerful story of self-discovery. Today, he's a father with multiple deep partnerships and is in a polyamorous marriage.
Not only does Romi live a life of adventure for himself, he's also dedicated his career to helping provide spaces for people to explore who they are. This led to the creation of SoulPlay!
SoulPlay aspires to create a world where every individual is celebrated. Where unique desires and needs are acceptable. Where people can be free to be themselves, express themselves, and interact in a way that feels nourishing to them without fear of judgement or shame.
SoulPlay 2024 is June 6-16 and you can learn more and get your tickets at www.soulplay.co. See you there!!
Mar 22, 2024
Mar 22, 2024
42 min
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month!
Today's questions are about balancing breaking up with one partner while being madly in love with another AND what things should be considered when deciding whether or not to be more "out" about being non-monogamous.
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I am also working towards completing a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute and will be finished in late spring 2024.
Mar 20, 2024
Mar 20, 2024
1hr 16 min
Jules has explored a variety of relationship styles in her life and her preference would be to be non-monogamous. Yet, she has very intentionally chosen a monogamous life and partnership with her husband. We have an incredibly powerful conversation about the unavoidable grief that comes with nearly every choice we make in life. Jules also weaves her story with so many amazing communication and relationship tools.
Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher who is creating spaces where people can move into more self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. She regularly teaches and speaks to people from all around the world and translates new understandings in neurobiology into practices that can support brain change.
She came into the therapy world as a client who argued that feelings didn’t matter only to find herself all these years later having followed neuroscience to the obvious conclusion: we are really feeling and meaning making beings driven by our interdependence. She believes that embracing that reality is key to finding purpose and deep joy.
She is the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected and Empowered. She is an associate Instructor with the Coherence Institute and a core faculty member with Therapy Wisdom.
She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, Adam, their daughter, Stella, and their rescue pointer mix, Layla. When she isn’t thinking about therapy or reading the latest neurobiology research, she can be found watching the British Baking Show while creating art shoes for her dear friends.
Find all of Jules' work, books, and podcast on her website www.julianetaylorshore.com.
Mar 13, 2024
Mar 13, 2024
1hr 7 min
Nikita grew up in India and came to the US about seven years ago when she was 19. As she began to embrace her queerness she started learning about new relationship structures and ultimately found non-monogamy through the kink scene in New York City. For the past few years she has been exploring solo polyamory and shares with us her beautiful, powerful, and challenging journey. For her, being non-monogamous is part of her identity and she sees it as an extension of her queerness.
Nikita is also a community organizer, psychotherapist, and sex therapist based in NYC. Her website does a much better job of capturing the power of her work and who she is than we ever could. Please check out her bio below and visit her website for all of her incredible work.
From Nikita's Website:
I am a Mental Health Therapist-LP and Sex Therapist based in New York City. I graduated with my Master’s in Counseling in Mental Health and Wellness and a dual degree in LGBT Health, Education, and Social Services from New York University. I also hold a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology with a background in Women and Gender Studies from George Mason University. I identify as a queer South Asian immigrant woman. I’m also neurodivergent and non-monogamous. Aside from being a therapist, I have volunteered as a crisis counselor for the Trevor Project, worked as a graduate assistant for the New York University LGBTQ+ Center, and helped in the planning of social justice conferences.
I have worked towards being a therapist for many years now and it is my greatest honor to arrive where I am. I grew up in Bangalore, a city in India where access to mental healthcare was limited and heavily stigmatized. We didn’t really talk about sex at all and the patriarchal culture often made it unsafe to embody our sexual selves. During my young adult years in Bangalore, I struggled to find a counselor who had a background in LGBTQ issues. The counselor that I talked to put me in a one size fits all box, bound by a traditional conception of heteronormative binary identities. The services I received seemed ingenuine and I felt alone. The counselor failed to understand the challenges that are faced by a queer woman in a conservative country. At that moment, a strong desire to uplift people who feel confused and alone was born.
Mar 6, 2024
Mar 6, 2024
1hr 23 min
Jill and Jack are back and this conversation is so powerful! This interview stands on its own. You do not need to have listened to their first episode to get a ton out of this conversation.
Their initial interview on Episode 97 was less than a year into their non-monogamous adventure together. They have spent the last four years doing absolutely mind-blowing work on themselves and their partnership. Today, they share how they have arrived in the best place they've ever been.
Spoiler alert: It was a LOT of hard work!
Jill and Jack have been married for over 22 years and open for about the last five. They come from a deeply religious background and are former Mennonites who made a pitstop as Baptists on their way out of organized religion about a decade ago.
Their initial entry into non-monogamy came during the aftermath of Jack getting happy-ending massages while he was still a Deacon in the Baptist church. They go into much more detail, but the very short version is that Jill was like "Okay... No more lying. We're a team. And by the way, I want to know if other guys want me as well!"
Today we get behind the scenes on how they worked together to improve their communication, came through another infidelity, overcame decades of resentment, smoothed out their gas and brake pattern, and are finding ways to be in the moment and enjoy life together.
Seriously, don't skip it.
Enjoy!
Feb 28, 2024
Feb 28, 2024
1hr 24 min
Today (February 28) is Metamour Day and we're so excited to be celebrating with Anna! While Metamour relationships are definitely a vibrant theme in this interview, we also dig into so much more!
Anna is an incredible artist, writer, counselor, and storyteller who is filled with deep love, compassion, and joy... They bring all of this and more to our conversation in a beautifully vulnerable and gentle way. This isn't an episode to be skipping.
Anna learned about non-monogamy during graduate school after having their heart completely shattered. They had very little sexual and dating experience and embarked on a powerful journey of self-discovery that continues today. Currently, Anna has been partnered with William for nearly 20 years, partnered with Joe for over a decade, and is exploring connecting with others in ways that honor each individual relationship.
You can find Anna’s art on PositivelyPolyAnna.com, their counseling work at livelikelove.net, learn more about Metamour Day at MetamourDay.com, and support Anna’s work through their Patreon.
AND! Don't forget to get your Metamour Day Postcards here and save 20% with the code "NNM"!
Feb 23, 2024
Feb 23, 2024
35 min
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month!
Today's questions are about advice for a couple who is new to non-monogamy and they're in a mono/poly dynamic AND how do we meet our partners desires without giving up who we are if the two are not fully aligned.
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I am also working towards completing a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute and will be finished in late spring 2024.
Feb 21, 2024
Feb 21, 2024
1hr 16 min
Kim is a psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience helping clients work through difficulties with relationships and break-downs in communication, including issues of trust and infidelity. Along with her husband, she is also a swinger, a secret unknown to even her children or closest friends.
Kim and her husband have been married for over 25 years and intentionally exploring non-monogamy and swinging for about the past eight. Their adventure started as bedroom talk and exploring through fantasy... Then, roughly 20 years ago they were on vacation and told their taxi driver they were looking for some adventure and he dropped them off at a sex club! Surprise!
Their experience at the club carried them forward in and out of the world of swinging and non-monogamy for over a decade before eventually digging into the tools they needed to find a path that works for them. Throughout their journey they have been continually figuring out how to balance their own individual needs with the needs and agreements of their partnership. In a world where everything and everyone is continually evolving, they've learned the critical importance of having hard conversations and not shifting into autopilot.
There's so much to Kim's incredible story! Unfortunately we couldn't pack it all into this interview... Luckily for you, Kim wrote a memoir called The Swinger in the Mirror! We highly recommend you check it out. Her story is full of incredible experiences and invaluable lessons.
Feb 14, 2024
Feb 14, 2024
1hr 13 min
Dedeker is back after more than four years and an entire pandemic! As always, there's so much to get out of this beautiful conversation without listening to round one first (Episode 104).
Dedeker digs into the transitions and shifts in her own relational journey, including a moment of monogamy and the journey she's been on rekindling a partnership from over a decade ago. One of the things we love about talking with Dedeker about is how seamlessly she weaves humor and wisdom together into powerful and relatable lessons for all of us. Don't skip this one or you'll miss out on all of that plus one of the greatest confessionals we've ever had on the show!
Dedeker is one of the co-hosts of the Multiamory podcast, a relationship coach, writer, and advocate for polyamory and non-traditional relationships. She is the author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know about Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love and the co-author of Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. Learn more about all her work at www.dedekerwinston.com.