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Hi! We’re Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our thirties who have been exploring non-monogamy for over 15 years. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship styles to hear their amazing stories. Many of our guests identify as swingers or polyamorous. However, quite a few have redefined non-monogamy in their own way by creating a unique dynamic that works for them. We hope that by giving a voice to the diverse community exploring non-monogamy that we can show people they are not alone and inspire them to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame. We hope you enjoy the show and who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be up for sharing your own story. We’d love to hear it!
Episodes
Wednesday Oct 09, 2024
Wednesday Oct 09, 2024
We are so excited about today's beautiful conversation with Mike! He's been questioning socialized norms that didn't feel right for most of his life... We get deep with him on his experiences uncovering his queerness, questioning monogamy as the best relationship model for himself, and how he navigates ambiguity in different connections. We also talk a lot about mental health, the life-changing impact of therapy for him, and the power of finding the strength to be yourself, especially when it means pushing against everything you've been conditioned with for your whole life. This is a powerful conversation and we hope you find it as meaningful and healing as we did.
Mike is much better at describing himself and his work than we are and so we asked to use the bio from his website... Permission granted!
Hey there, I'm Mike. I'm endlessly fascinated by and interested in people. Why we do what we do. Where we come from. How we choose to live our lives. What interests us. What our passions are. I love to listen. My goal, if we decide to work together, is to help you be the person you want to be, whether the things you want are related to your relationship(s), your career(s), or your life in general!
I don't have a fancy degree, but I do have a certification (and am working on more). What I think is more valuable than a piece of paper is that I have a welcoming ear and quite a bit of life experience. I'm a thirty year veteran of the high-stress music industry, having worked everywhere from distribution to PR to behind the counter at a record store. Over the last decade, I've become involved in the mental health community as an advocate and a volunteer for various organizations. I've also become a sex and relationship educator, drawing on my experiences as a queer person whose relationship orientation leans toward CNM (consensual non-monogamy). I'm a second generation American with an Afro-Caribbean background, and have a wide variety of tastes, experiences and people in my community. I like to think I can relate to just about anyone in some way, shape or form.
For the past three years and counting, I've also hosted and produced a podcast called Detoxicity, which focuses specifically on men and how we can work to move past the socialized behaviors that often handcuff us. How we can be more open, more caring, more sensitive, and be better versions of ourselves for the people in our lives and communities, and most importantly, for ourselves. I've spoken to and learned from over 150 men, from various walks of life, every race and ethnicity, sexual and romantic orientation. And I learn more every time I speak to someone. I'm in the process of learning every day, and I want to be a guide and assistant to your learning journey as well!
Wednesday Oct 02, 2024
Wednesday Oct 02, 2024
Over the last three weeks you've heard Ava, Pinky, and Anthony tell their individual stories... Today, we bring them together to hear how three people with different backgrounds, experience levels, and relationship preferences come together to create a beautiful relational ecosystem that works for each of them... Even if it's not always perfect. Enjoy!
Earlier this year Ava, Pinky, and Anthony started a new podcast called Three Shades of Grey where they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together.
Friday Sep 27, 2024
Friday Sep 27, 2024
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month!
This month's incredible questions come from our private community and are about moving at different paces when opening up a relationship and whether or not you should share your feelings with someone when your interests lie outside of the agreements of another relationship of theirs. Juicy stuff!
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!
Wednesday Sep 25, 2024
Wednesday Sep 25, 2024
Pinky lives life with a whole lot of zest and enthusiasm! And, as she describes it, sometimes a bit impatiently. Although, we might argue that her impatience could be attributed to some built up excitement!
I tried writing more about Pinky but her bio over on her website at 3shadesofgrey.com captured it much better than I was able to:
I was born and raised into a religious, and conservative family. Women were taught to not be heard or to put their needs and wants first. As I grew, I found myself in relationships with people who had similar beliefs to my family. I was in a nearly two decade relationship, with a man who had no interest in sex, my sexuality or my desires. I was made to feel guilty when I expressed my sexual desires. Outside of the bedroom, however, we built a solid family together. I stayed for my children, and then I decided, I needed to leave for myself.
It was during this relationship that I first read the Ethical Slut, and it opened my eyes to what relationships could be. My ex and I attempted to have an open relationship, but that was very short lived.
It wasn’t until I met my husband Anthony that I learned more, and realized this was something I wanted to explore further. That’s when I decided to do some research and further educate myself. I became more and more intrigued by the freedom and the voice that was give to women in the non- monogamous world.
The education and conversations that my now husband and I had, built a strong foundation for a successful relationship. During our journey, we talked about things that most couples never even discuss, and we spoke about them open and honestly.
Anthony and I now have an open marriage. I prefer polyamorous relationships, and some situational swinging. Truly I thrive the best on one on one engagement with open and like minded people who are willing to walk the road less traveled.
As a sapiosexual I connect best on an intellectual level first, building a strong relationship, and then engaging physically.
Earlier this year Pinky started a new podcast with her husband Anthony and metamour Ava. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together.
Wednesday Sep 18, 2024
Wednesday Sep 18, 2024
Today, Ava identifies as a polyamorous, kinky, swinger... Yet, for most of her life she worked really hard to play by the rules doing what she was "supposed to be doing." And then, in 2018, a friend invited her to an adult Christmas party. It turned out to be a life-changing party!
We loved Ava's description of herself in her bio over at 3shadesofgrey.com and so we borrowed it to help give you a better idea this amazing human!
Hello, my salacious friends, I am Ava Moore. I have been non-monogamous since 2018. Who am I kidding? More like 2012, but I didn’t have a name for it, or accept it back then. I called it “multi- tasking”, however, I was working very hard to be monogamous, and was successful, because I thought that is what I was supposed to do.
I am a single mom. I love people. I love sex. I love connecting. While I have multiple partners, for the most part, I stay in what I call “my circle”. These are the 4 or 5 people who I trust most and who I am the closest to. We build friendships, relationships and we are there for each other. Now, there are times, I will let my hair down and go to a party, or dare I say, host a party for my favorite people.
While I identify as a straight, curvalicious, plus size, single female, I do have my heteroflexible moments from time to time. Most importantly however, is that I am a Sapiosexual. Your brain and personality are what attract me first.
I look forward to getting to know all of you, as Pinky, Anthony, and I embark on this wild journey together.
To clarify that last sentence... Earlier this year Ava started a new podcast with her partner Anthony and metamour Pinky. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together. Anthony shared his story last week on Episode 357, Pinky will be on next week, and the three of them join us together in two weeks.
Wednesday Sep 11, 2024
Wednesday Sep 11, 2024
Anthony has always felt like he was a bit different and questioned everything. Even questioning things so much that he was once asked to not return to Bible school as a child. Years later, while working as a club promoter he met a dominatrix who invited him to his first dungeon party and life hasn't quite been the same since...
Even though his first experience was a bit traumatic for him, a new world of possibilities opened up and he began exploring. Over the last twenty-ish years Anthony has been exploring non-monogamy through swinging (partnered and solo), kink and BDSM (he eventually recovered from the first dungeon party), and polyamory (he's now married and has multiple committed partnerships).
Join us today as Anthony takes us on his adventure and shares with us how he's learned, grown, and built an incredible community of partners and friends where he gets to be himself without being worried of getting kicked out of Bible school.
But wait, there's more! Earlier this year Anthony started a new podcast with his wife Pinky and his partner Ava. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together.
Wednesday Sep 04, 2024
Wednesday Sep 04, 2024
Andrea grew up in a fairly conservative suburb and first came out in the queer and leather communities around 2000-2001 after joining the circus. For them, non-monogamy came as part of the queer and kinky package. Over the next decade-ish Andrea explored many different phases and configurations of kink and non-monogamy before a series of serious health issues turned their life upside down. These same health issues also robbed Andrea of their ability and capacity to relate in the same ways and to experience the same kinds of pleasure and enjoyment out of sex and kink as they had been able to for so long.
Today, Andrea takes us on their beautiful and powerful journey of finding the queer community, embracing their queerness and non-monogamy, and currently finding themself single and embracing the joys of solitude while still identifying with the ideologies of non-monogamy and being open to it in the future. This interview is incredibly deep and vulnerable and we hope you find it as inspiring as we did.
Besides hanging out on our podcast, Andrea is also an author. Rather than trying to recreate their bio, we have borrowed the following from their author page at Thornapple Press.
Andrea Zanin, MA, is a white, nonbinary, middle-aged queer writer who lives in Tkaronto (Toronto, Ontario), on the traditional territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishnabeg, the Chippewa, the Haudenosaunee and the Wendat peoples. Andrea’s writing focuses on nonmonogamy and BDSM/Leather. Andrea has written for theGlobe and Mail, The Tyee, Bitch, Ms., Xtra, IN Magazine, Outlooks Magazine and the Montreal Mirror. Their scholarly work, fiction and essays appear in a variety of collections. Andrea blogs at sexgeek.wordpress.com, where they created the 10 Rules for Happy Nonmonogamy and coined the term “polynormativity.” Their first book, Post-nonmonogamy and Beyond, is available from Thornapple Press and they co-authored the second edition of More Than Two.
Wednesday Aug 28, 2024
Wednesday Aug 28, 2024
We always love when we get to bring guests back on the show for an update and today is definitely no exception! The last time we talked to these four was back in 2019 on Episode 71 and while so much has changed, the love between these four has only grown deeper. And it sure is a good thing because they all got matching tattoos pretty early on!
Over the last five years they've transitioned to a long distance relationship and then back to living in the same city, they've broken up and gotten back together, they've come out to family (sometimes accidentally), and they've navigated a global pandemic. Quad dynamics are notoriously challenging and today we get an incredibly vulnerable look at how these four have made it work and how they've all grown together, and as individuals, along the way.
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month! However... This month we have a special guest!
Today's questions are all about finances and money and we have an incredible author, coach, and fellow podcaster Laura Boyle joining us!
Laura just published her second book, "Monogamy? In This Economy?: Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory" and she's also the creator of readyforpolyamory.com where you can find more information about all of her fantastic work!
Quick note and disclaimer... Laura, Meshai, and myself (Fin) are NOT tax or finance professionals. Please talk to a financial professional, CPA, or similar about your specific financial situation.
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Today we get to hear an incredible New York Love Story like no other! Bear is a Black queer man of trans experience, born, raised and currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. Fifi is a first-generation queer, non-binary Puerto Rican born, raised, and also living in New York. And together they have forged a partnership that is uniquely theirs and is mutually uplifting while defying the status quo of what everyone says a relationship "should" be.
They describe themselves as solo polyamorists who live together as a family and run a business together. They met over a decade ago at a party and since then have been loving and supporting one another on their individual healing journeys of coming out and embracing their authentic selves.
Bear and Fifi also do incredibly powerful work in educating and supporting others in their own journeys. The following descriptions come directly from their website and capture who they are better than we could ever imagine doing ourselves. Please check out their website for more information on how to work with these two amazing humans!
Before teaching adults, Bear taught poetry to youth in NYC public schools. He began his career as a coach and case manager in 2018, and has since serviced people of all abilities, backgrounds, and circumstances.
During his time in a private residential treatment facility for adults with mental diagnoses and substance abuse disorders, he practiced crisis intervention, de-escalation tactics, and harm reduction protocols. He then managed cases at Callen Lorde community health clinic and trained in public health policy, gender affirming care, and safer sex. He also distributed housing and medical resources to NYC’s most vulnerable populations.
Bear co-founded Bear & Fifi Coaching in November 2021 with his partner, and became an Urban Tantra certified somatic practitioner in November 2022. He authors all Bear & Fifi Coaching theory and curriculum, including the creation of accessibility conscious tools and exercises to support emotional/nervous system regulation, non-violent communication, vulnerability + connection, and erotic embodiment.
Individually, Bear works with men and masc people of all experiences, members of the TGNC community and survivors of complex relational trauma and abuse.
Fifi is a trained architect, social entrepreneur, and spiritual guide. Their lens is informed by their knowledge of design systems, Tantric embodiment + Kundalini yoga, 17 years of practicing and teaching meditation, and 12 years of continuous recovery from anxiety disorders. As a certified Urban Tantra practitioner, they coach people, particularly those socialized as women, seeking better relationships, deeper intimacy, and more authenticity in their lives. Whether by creating personalized rituals or guiding you through accessing your intuition, Fifi’s goal is to support you with using sensuality as a therapeutic tool and building foundations for a life beyond what you think you deserve.
Fifi is also a non-profit executive serving communities in The Bronx and Harlem through social change and leadership fellowships, art enrichment programs, and historical-multicultural performance presentations.