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Hi! We’re Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our thirties who have been exploring non-monogamy for over 15 years. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship styles to hear their amazing stories. Many of our guests identify as swingers or polyamorous. However, quite a few have redefined non-monogamy in their own way by creating a unique dynamic that works for them. We hope that by giving a voice to the diverse community exploring non-monogamy that we can show people they are not alone and inspire them to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame. We hope you enjoy the show and who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be up for sharing your own story. We’d love to hear it!
Episodes
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month! However... This month we have a special guest!
Today's questions are all about finances and money and we have an incredible author, coach, and fellow podcaster Laura Boyle joining us!
Laura just published her second book, "Monogamy? In This Economy?: Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory" and she's also the creator of readyforpolyamory.com where you can find more information about all of her fantastic work!
Quick note and disclaimer... Laura, Meshai, and myself (Fin) are NOT tax or finance professionals. Please talk to a financial professional, CPA, or similar about your specific financial situation.
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Today we get to hear an incredible New York Love Story like no other! Bear is a Black queer man of trans experience, born, raised and currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. Fifi is a first-generation queer, non-binary Puerto Rican born, raised, and also living in New York. And together they have forged a partnership that is uniquely theirs and is mutually uplifting while defying the status quo of what everyone says a relationship "should" be.
They describe themselves as solo polyamorists who live together as a family and run a business together. They met over a decade ago at a party and since then have been loving and supporting one another on their individual healing journeys of coming out and embracing their authentic selves.
Bear and Fifi also do incredibly powerful work in educating and supporting others in their own journeys. The following descriptions come directly from their website and capture who they are better than we could ever imagine doing ourselves. Please check out their website for more information on how to work with these two amazing humans!
Before teaching adults, Bear taught poetry to youth in NYC public schools. He began his career as a coach and case manager in 2018, and has since serviced people of all abilities, backgrounds, and circumstances.
During his time in a private residential treatment facility for adults with mental diagnoses and substance abuse disorders, he practiced crisis intervention, de-escalation tactics, and harm reduction protocols. He then managed cases at Callen Lorde community health clinic and trained in public health policy, gender affirming care, and safer sex. He also distributed housing and medical resources to NYC’s most vulnerable populations.
Bear co-founded Bear & Fifi Coaching in November 2021 with his partner, and became an Urban Tantra certified somatic practitioner in November 2022. He authors all Bear & Fifi Coaching theory and curriculum, including the creation of accessibility conscious tools and exercises to support emotional/nervous system regulation, non-violent communication, vulnerability + connection, and erotic embodiment.
Individually, Bear works with men and masc people of all experiences, members of the TGNC community and survivors of complex relational trauma and abuse.
Fifi is a trained architect, social entrepreneur, and spiritual guide. Their lens is informed by their knowledge of design systems, Tantric embodiment + Kundalini yoga, 17 years of practicing and teaching meditation, and 12 years of continuous recovery from anxiety disorders. As a certified Urban Tantra practitioner, they coach people, particularly those socialized as women, seeking better relationships, deeper intimacy, and more authenticity in their lives. Whether by creating personalized rituals or guiding you through accessing your intuition, Fifi’s goal is to support you with using sensuality as a therapeutic tool and building foundations for a life beyond what you think you deserve.
Fifi is also a non-profit executive serving communities in The Bronx and Harlem through social change and leadership fellowships, art enrichment programs, and historical-multicultural performance presentations.
Wednesday Aug 14, 2024
Wednesday Aug 14, 2024
In her early twenties Mae repeatedly found herself in a cycle of getting into a relationship, developing feelings for someone else, fighting them off for a while and then ultimately cheating and blowing it up only to do it all over again. Then a friend invited her to a kink event which lead to her first dungeon party which changed her life forever... For about the next seven years Mae was consumed on an adventure exploring events, parties, connections, and what was possible in life, love, and pleasure.
Today, Mae is exploring her own flavor of polyamory and non-monogamy. She has a primary partner along with other people that she dates plus she has some subs and perhaps even a few play partners. As Mae puts it... "If you're not having fun, you may want to question why you're doing it..." And no surprise, this interview with Mae is full of laughs and wild adventures.
Mae also shares with us a bit about her powerful work and describes herself on her website better than we ever could... The Adorable Domme, Miss Mae Ling is a Los Angeles Dominatrix whose charmingly open and sweet approach to life draws out the best in others. Her motto in life is to have fun and enjoy the best of what life has to offer. She seeks to find the true person that is inside of you, cutting through all the exterior and relating with your desires and deepest emotions. The raw truth is what she is after. Check out all of her work and learn more over on her website!
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Jen identifies as a queer, pansexual, non-binary, relationship anarchist and has been living with their partner for over 12 years. However, that's not how things looked 12 years ago when they got together!
Jen grew up in Ireland where cultural and religious norms didn't leave much room for being different in any way. Their first exposure to something new and different came during university... However, Jen's biggest changes started when they found an amazing therapist after moving to Scotland.
Therapy was a pivotal moment in Jen's life and gave them space to start deconstructing so many parts of who they are after not having a sense of self for so long. This also led to Jen questioning what they wanted relationships to look like. Jen's experience in therapy was also their inspiration for becoming a therapist themselves!
Today, Jen is a person-centred experiential psychotherapist whose approach is all about offering you a radically non-judgemental relationship where you can safely get to know yourself. You can learn more about Jen's incredible work on their website!
Wednesday Jul 31, 2024
Wednesday Jul 31, 2024
"It's been a beautiful journey so far... But oh so messy!"
Christa Lei and their partner originally opened their relationship into a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic, even though neither of them ever acted on it. Eventually, they gave it a little more thought and made a shift to a more integrated kitchen-table poly dynamic, which is how they've now been exploring for the last few years.
Christa's not here to pretend like everything is always easy and perfect. Navigating relationships can be really hard and they've found a lot of power and support in creating a care team for themself through their polyamory community. For Christa, polyamory is just as much about building community and support systems as it is about the dating and romance. Although, there's definitely some of that as well... Did they mention it can get messy?
And... awesome for us, Christa sent over their own bio and so we just had to copy and paste! Woop woop! (Thanks, Christa!)
Christa Lei (they/them/theirs) grew up on Native Hawaiian land as the youngest child of Filipino immigrants. Their professional experiences revolve around healthcare: patient advocacy, casework/care facilitation, and clinical research. Their intersectional identities as fat, neurodivergent, disabled, queer, polyamorous, and third-culture person inform their personal and professional work.
A multi-modal and experienced creative, Christa creates and facilitates spaces for interdisciplinary praxis via community care. Along with their lived experiences as a crip queer person, they are certified as a death doula by Going with Grace. In their spare time, they dance, sing, write, travel around the world, point out all the puppies on the street, preach the gospel of Shrek, and create shared futures with their chosen family of their loving spouse and two dogs in New York City. Connect with them via Instagram (@supchrista) or at christalei.me or their newsletter isthiswhatyouwant.org.
Friday Jul 26, 2024
Friday Jul 26, 2024
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month! However... This month we have a special guest!
Today's questions are all about compersion and we have one of the world's leading experts on the subject joining us! Dr. Marie Thouin is a dating and relationship coach as well as the author of the new book "What is compersion?" You can learn more about Marie and her work at www.whatiscompersion.com.
You can also save 25% if you order your copy of her book using the link and code below!
(Use code RLFANDF25 to save 25%)
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!
Wednesday Jul 24, 2024
Wednesday Jul 24, 2024
Today's interview with Flora and Andy is so full of love and zest for life! The last seven years have been full of adventure for these two... They met on Grinder in 2017, got married a few years later, and then a few years ago decided to open their relationship up after a series of infidelities.
Today they practice their own form of non-hierarchical polyamory after trying out different flavors of non-monogamy along the way. They take us inside their partnership and share how they rebuilt everything in spite of the infidelities and all of the self-discovery and growth that they both did to get to where they are today.
Flora and Andy also share with us how they've persevered and supported one another as a multicultural trans and non-binary queer couple exploring the world of sex, dating, relationships, and life. When they're not sharing their life story on our podcast, you can find Flora and Andy on Instagram where they do powerful work helping organizations and companies be more inclusive to queer communities. Please check out their work and enjoy this interview with Flora and Andy!
Check out the full show notes here.
Click here to join our upcoming Bay Area Retreat - Sept. 13-15, 2024
Wednesday Jul 17, 2024
Wednesday Jul 17, 2024
From a very young age Sandy had lots of crushes, loved kissing boys, and felt very free. Unfortunately, she learned very quickly how judgmental people are when she started getting called names at school and the shame started to creep in. She learned to hide parts of herself in order to fit in during high school but then in college she learned that "being queer" was actually a thing.
Sandy is an incredible storyteller and today's interview is full of love, laughter, and deep emotion. Sandy takes us on her powerful journey of discovering who she is and how to truly be herself while constantly fighting the shame from friends, family, and the world around her.
Today, she describes herself as a queer solo polyamorous woman who is a queen bee with lots of little honey bees buzzing around her. She weaves so many fantastic lessons, tools, tricks, and strategies into her amazing story of life and adventure! Enjoy!
Dr. Sandy Peace is a psychologist, sex therapist, trained sex educator, provides trainings for mental health professionals on working with polyamorous clients, and facilitates polyamory support/discussion groups. She presented her doctoral dissertation research – "Toward a Model of Polyamorous Identity Development" – at the first International Academic Polyamory Conference at U.C. Berkeley in 2012. To learn more about Sandy and to work with her, please check out her website!
Check out the full show notes here.
Click here to sign up our FREE Week of Visibility Workshop!
Click here to join our upcoming Bay Area Retreat - Sept. 13-15, 2024
Wednesday Jul 10, 2024
Wednesday Jul 10, 2024
Billy is a bit of a self-described hopeless romantic with a romanticized view of love and relationships. He tried out monogamy for about 14 months as a freshman in college, however, having lots of sex and sexual adventures was never really his goal (not that he's complaining). He would often find himself falling for women and when he'd share his feelings they'd express their interest in continuing to hookup, but not so much with the emotional stuff.
We have some amazing conversations in this interview with Billy. He digs into how he cultivated an abundance mindset around sex, even though everyone in high school predicted he'd be a 40-year old virgin. We also talk about not getting boxed in by labels and identities, and we have a great conversation about all of the societal messaging we get about how to be a "good partner."
Taken right from Billy's website...
In 2014, comedian Billy Procida started interviewing his exes about sex, dating, gender…and why they didn’t work out. After being dismissed in his early 20s as a “manwhore”, he worried if he was already too slutty to love at 24-years-old. So he sought out answers from the source!
Now, Billy hosts sex-positive conversations with comedians, sex educators, porn stars, actors, authors, dating experts, models and more! With millions of downloads, The Manwhore Podcast has been named a top sex/dating podcast by Esquire, Uproxx, and Men’s Health.
Please head over to www.manwhorepod.com to check out all of Billy's work!
Check out the full show notes here.
Click here to sign up our FREE Week of Visibility Workshop!
Click here to join our upcoming Bay Area Retreat - Sept. 13-15, 2024
Wednesday Jul 03, 2024
Wednesday Jul 03, 2024
Our conversation today with Kathy is so beautiful, full of energy, and powerful. She is a vibrant 49 year old bisexual proud mother of a newly minted teen and she has been "officially" exploring non-monogamy for the last few years. Yet, as you'll hear, Kathy has always been a bit rebellious and unconventional. She loves to play and experiment, and she lives life very intentionally.
Kathy is currently going through a "slow divorce" over the course of multiple years as she and her husband work together with a therapist to simultaneously heal and transition their partnership. During this process, their therapist has helped them both seek out what living authentically would look like... For Kathy, that meant finally exploring non-monogamy. She's always had a desire and preference for non-monogamy but put that desire aside to start a family under the assumption that it would happen sometime in the future. And now, the future is here and she's loving it!
As unconventional and rebellious as Kathy is, she's had to heal many parts of herself along her journey. It hasn't been easy, and she takes us through her powerful and inspiring life story with such levity and vulnerability. We hope you enjoy this interview as much as we did.
Check out the full show notes here.
Click here to sign up our FREE Week of Visibility Workshop!