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Hi! We’re Emma and Fin! We’re a married couple in our thirties who have been exploring non-monogamy for over 15 years. Every week we interview people from across the spectrums of gender, sexuality, and relationship styles to hear their amazing stories. Many of our guests identify as swingers or polyamorous. However, quite a few have redefined non-monogamy in their own way by creating a unique dynamic that works for them. We hope that by giving a voice to the diverse community exploring non-monogamy that we can show people they are not alone and inspire them to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame. We hope you enjoy the show and who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be up for sharing your own story. We’d love to hear it!
Episodes
Wednesday Sep 25, 2024
Wednesday Sep 25, 2024
Pinky lives life with a whole lot of zest and enthusiasm! And, as she describes it, sometimes a bit impatiently. Although, we might argue that her impatience could be attributed to some built up excitement!
I tried writing more about Pinky but her bio over on her website at 3shadesofgrey.com captured it much better than I was able to:
I was born and raised into a religious, and conservative family. Women were taught to not be heard or to put their needs and wants first. As I grew, I found myself in relationships with people who had similar beliefs to my family. I was in a nearly two decade relationship, with a man who had no interest in sex, my sexuality or my desires. I was made to feel guilty when I expressed my sexual desires. Outside of the bedroom, however, we built a solid family together. I stayed for my children, and then I decided, I needed to leave for myself.
It was during this relationship that I first read the Ethical Slut, and it opened my eyes to what relationships could be. My ex and I attempted to have an open relationship, but that was very short lived.
It wasn’t until I met my husband Anthony that I learned more, and realized this was something I wanted to explore further. That’s when I decided to do some research and further educate myself. I became more and more intrigued by the freedom and the voice that was give to women in the non- monogamous world.
The education and conversations that my now husband and I had, built a strong foundation for a successful relationship. During our journey, we talked about things that most couples never even discuss, and we spoke about them open and honestly.
Anthony and I now have an open marriage. I prefer polyamorous relationships, and some situational swinging. Truly I thrive the best on one on one engagement with open and like minded people who are willing to walk the road less traveled.
As a sapiosexual I connect best on an intellectual level first, building a strong relationship, and then engaging physically.
Earlier this year Pinky started a new podcast with her husband Anthony and metamour Ava. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together.
Wednesday Sep 18, 2024
Wednesday Sep 18, 2024
Today, Ava identifies as a polyamorous, kinky, swinger... Yet, for most of her life she worked really hard to play by the rules doing what she was "supposed to be doing." And then, in 2018, a friend invited her to an adult Christmas party. It turned out to be a life-changing party!
We loved Ava's description of herself in her bio over at 3shadesofgrey.com and so we borrowed it to help give you a better idea this amazing human!
Hello, my salacious friends, I am Ava Moore. I have been non-monogamous since 2018. Who am I kidding? More like 2012, but I didn’t have a name for it, or accept it back then. I called it “multi- tasking”, however, I was working very hard to be monogamous, and was successful, because I thought that is what I was supposed to do.
I am a single mom. I love people. I love sex. I love connecting. While I have multiple partners, for the most part, I stay in what I call “my circle”. These are the 4 or 5 people who I trust most and who I am the closest to. We build friendships, relationships and we are there for each other. Now, there are times, I will let my hair down and go to a party, or dare I say, host a party for my favorite people.
While I identify as a straight, curvalicious, plus size, single female, I do have my heteroflexible moments from time to time. Most importantly however, is that I am a Sapiosexual. Your brain and personality are what attract me first.
I look forward to getting to know all of you, as Pinky, Anthony, and I embark on this wild journey together.
To clarify that last sentence... Earlier this year Ava started a new podcast with her partner Anthony and metamour Pinky. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together. Anthony shared his story last week on Episode 357, Pinky will be on next week, and the three of them join us together in two weeks.
Wednesday Sep 11, 2024
Wednesday Sep 11, 2024
Anthony has always felt like he was a bit different and questioned everything. Even questioning things so much that he was once asked to not return to Bible school as a child. Years later, while working as a club promoter he met a dominatrix who invited him to his first dungeon party and life hasn't quite been the same since...
Even though his first experience was a bit traumatic for him, a new world of possibilities opened up and he began exploring. Over the last twenty-ish years Anthony has been exploring non-monogamy through swinging (partnered and solo), kink and BDSM (he eventually recovered from the first dungeon party), and polyamory (he's now married and has multiple committed partnerships).
Join us today as Anthony takes us on his adventure and shares with us how he's learned, grown, and built an incredible community of partners and friends where he gets to be himself without being worried of getting kicked out of Bible school.
But wait, there's more! Earlier this year Anthony started a new podcast with his wife Pinky and his partner Ava. On the Three Shades of Grey podcast they talk about the ups and downs of exploring non-monogamy in three very different ways and how the three of them make it work together.
Wednesday Sep 04, 2024
Wednesday Sep 04, 2024
Andrea grew up in a fairly conservative suburb and first came out in the queer and leather communities around 2000-2001 after joining the circus. For them, non-monogamy came as part of the queer and kinky package. Over the next decade-ish Andrea explored many different phases and configurations of kink and non-monogamy before a series of serious health issues turned their life upside down. These same health issues also robbed Andrea of their ability and capacity to relate in the same ways and to experience the same kinds of pleasure and enjoyment out of sex and kink as they had been able to for so long.
Today, Andrea takes us on their beautiful and powerful journey of finding the queer community, embracing their queerness and non-monogamy, and currently finding themself single and embracing the joys of solitude while still identifying with the ideologies of non-monogamy and being open to it in the future. This interview is incredibly deep and vulnerable and we hope you find it as inspiring as we did.
Besides hanging out on our podcast, Andrea is also an author. Rather than trying to recreate their bio, we have borrowed the following from their author page at Thornapple Press.
Andrea Zanin, MA, is a white, nonbinary, middle-aged queer writer who lives in Tkaronto (Toronto, Ontario), on the traditional territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishnabeg, the Chippewa, the Haudenosaunee and the Wendat peoples. Andrea’s writing focuses on nonmonogamy and BDSM/Leather. Andrea has written for theGlobe and Mail, The Tyee, Bitch, Ms., Xtra, IN Magazine, Outlooks Magazine and the Montreal Mirror. Their scholarly work, fiction and essays appear in a variety of collections. Andrea blogs at sexgeek.wordpress.com, where they created the 10 Rules for Happy Nonmonogamy and coined the term “polynormativity.” Their first book, Post-nonmonogamy and Beyond, is available from Thornapple Press and they co-authored the second edition of More Than Two.
Wednesday Aug 28, 2024
Wednesday Aug 28, 2024
We always love when we get to bring guests back on the show for an update and today is definitely no exception! The last time we talked to these four was back in 2019 on Episode 71 and while so much has changed, the love between these four has only grown deeper. And it sure is a good thing because they all got matching tattoos pretty early on!
Over the last five years they've transitioned to a long distance relationship and then back to living in the same city, they've broken up and gotten back together, they've come out to family (sometimes accidentally), and they've navigated a global pandemic. Quad dynamics are notoriously challenging and today we get an incredibly vulnerable look at how these four have made it work and how they've all grown together, and as individuals, along the way.
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Meshai and Fin team up together to answer amazing listener questions every fourth Friday of each month! However... This month we have a special guest!
Today's questions are all about finances and money and we have an incredible author, coach, and fellow podcaster Laura Boyle joining us!
Laura just published her second book, "Monogamy? In This Economy?: Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory" and she's also the creator of readyforpolyamory.com where you can find more information about all of her fantastic work!
Quick note and disclaimer... Laura, Meshai, and myself (Fin) are NOT tax or finance professionals. Please talk to a financial professional, CPA, or similar about your specific financial situation.
If YOU have a question, we'd love to hear it! Please, ask us anything by clicking here!
We are super excited to be partnering with Meshai for the Ask Us Anything episodes! She first appeared on the podcast on Episode 233 and we're honored to have her back!
Meshai is relationship coach with the team at Expansive Connection. She believes in the power of living as one’s authentic self, and the freedom that comes from changing perspectives. She loves putting the puzzle pieces of a couple's sexual energy together and aiding them in positive and explorative movement.
Her coaching work implements creative synergy, openness, self-expression, and the confrontation of challenges through self-determination. She helps individuals from diverse populations move forward with their goals while being fully aware that trauma can play on the whole person.
Meshai is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is certified in both Trauma Therapy and Sex Therapy, and she is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
You likely know me (Fin) from over 300 episodes of Normalizing Non-Monogamy. Just in case you don't, I cohost the podcast with my partner Emma and we have been in an open relationship together for over 15 years. I also completed a sex and relationship coaching program through the Somatica Institute in March 2024!
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Wednesday Aug 21, 2024
Today we get to hear an incredible New York Love Story like no other! Bear is a Black queer man of trans experience, born, raised and currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. Fifi is a first-generation queer, non-binary Puerto Rican born, raised, and also living in New York. And together they have forged a partnership that is uniquely theirs and is mutually uplifting while defying the status quo of what everyone says a relationship "should" be.
They describe themselves as solo polyamorists who live together as a family and run a business together. They met over a decade ago at a party and since then have been loving and supporting one another on their individual healing journeys of coming out and embracing their authentic selves.
Bear and Fifi also do incredibly powerful work in educating and supporting others in their own journeys. The following descriptions come directly from their website and capture who they are better than we could ever imagine doing ourselves. Please check out their website for more information on how to work with these two amazing humans!
Before teaching adults, Bear taught poetry to youth in NYC public schools. He began his career as a coach and case manager in 2018, and has since serviced people of all abilities, backgrounds, and circumstances.
During his time in a private residential treatment facility for adults with mental diagnoses and substance abuse disorders, he practiced crisis intervention, de-escalation tactics, and harm reduction protocols. He then managed cases at Callen Lorde community health clinic and trained in public health policy, gender affirming care, and safer sex. He also distributed housing and medical resources to NYC’s most vulnerable populations.
Bear co-founded Bear & Fifi Coaching in November 2021 with his partner, and became an Urban Tantra certified somatic practitioner in November 2022. He authors all Bear & Fifi Coaching theory and curriculum, including the creation of accessibility conscious tools and exercises to support emotional/nervous system regulation, non-violent communication, vulnerability + connection, and erotic embodiment.
Individually, Bear works with men and masc people of all experiences, members of the TGNC community and survivors of complex relational trauma and abuse.
Fifi is a trained architect, social entrepreneur, and spiritual guide. Their lens is informed by their knowledge of design systems, Tantric embodiment + Kundalini yoga, 17 years of practicing and teaching meditation, and 12 years of continuous recovery from anxiety disorders. As a certified Urban Tantra practitioner, they coach people, particularly those socialized as women, seeking better relationships, deeper intimacy, and more authenticity in their lives. Whether by creating personalized rituals or guiding you through accessing your intuition, Fifi’s goal is to support you with using sensuality as a therapeutic tool and building foundations for a life beyond what you think you deserve.
Fifi is also a non-profit executive serving communities in The Bronx and Harlem through social change and leadership fellowships, art enrichment programs, and historical-multicultural performance presentations.
Wednesday Aug 14, 2024
Wednesday Aug 14, 2024
In her early twenties Mae repeatedly found herself in a cycle of getting into a relationship, developing feelings for someone else, fighting them off for a while and then ultimately cheating and blowing it up only to do it all over again. Then a friend invited her to a kink event which lead to her first dungeon party which changed her life forever... For about the next seven years Mae was consumed on an adventure exploring events, parties, connections, and what was possible in life, love, and pleasure.
Today, Mae is exploring her own flavor of polyamory and non-monogamy. She has a primary partner along with other people that she dates plus she has some subs and perhaps even a few play partners. As Mae puts it... "If you're not having fun, you may want to question why you're doing it..." And no surprise, this interview with Mae is full of laughs and wild adventures.
Mae also shares with us a bit about her powerful work and describes herself on her website better than we ever could... The Adorable Domme, Miss Mae Ling is a Los Angeles Dominatrix whose charmingly open and sweet approach to life draws out the best in others. Her motto in life is to have fun and enjoy the best of what life has to offer. She seeks to find the true person that is inside of you, cutting through all the exterior and relating with your desires and deepest emotions. The raw truth is what she is after. Check out all of her work and learn more over on her website!
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Jen identifies as a queer, pansexual, non-binary, relationship anarchist and has been living with their partner for over 12 years. However, that's not how things looked 12 years ago when they got together!
Jen grew up in Ireland where cultural and religious norms didn't leave much room for being different in any way. Their first exposure to something new and different came during university... However, Jen's biggest changes started when they found an amazing therapist after moving to Scotland.
Therapy was a pivotal moment in Jen's life and gave them space to start deconstructing so many parts of who they are after not having a sense of self for so long. This also led to Jen questioning what they wanted relationships to look like. Jen's experience in therapy was also their inspiration for becoming a therapist themselves!
Today, Jen is a person-centred experiential psychotherapist whose approach is all about offering you a radically non-judgemental relationship where you can safely get to know yourself. You can learn more about Jen's incredible work on their website!
Wednesday Jul 31, 2024
Wednesday Jul 31, 2024
"It's been a beautiful journey so far... But oh so messy!"
Christa Lei and their partner originally opened their relationship into a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic, even though neither of them ever acted on it. Eventually, they gave it a little more thought and made a shift to a more integrated kitchen-table poly dynamic, which is how they've now been exploring for the last few years.
Christa's not here to pretend like everything is always easy and perfect. Navigating relationships can be really hard and they've found a lot of power and support in creating a care team for themself through their polyamory community. For Christa, polyamory is just as much about building community and support systems as it is about the dating and romance. Although, there's definitely some of that as well... Did they mention it can get messy?
And... awesome for us, Christa sent over their own bio and so we just had to copy and paste! Woop woop! (Thanks, Christa!)
Christa Lei (they/them/theirs) grew up on Native Hawaiian land as the youngest child of Filipino immigrants. Their professional experiences revolve around healthcare: patient advocacy, casework/care facilitation, and clinical research. Their intersectional identities as fat, neurodivergent, disabled, queer, polyamorous, and third-culture person inform their personal and professional work.
A multi-modal and experienced creative, Christa creates and facilitates spaces for interdisciplinary praxis via community care. Along with their lived experiences as a crip queer person, they are certified as a death doula by Going with Grace. In their spare time, they dance, sing, write, travel around the world, point out all the puppies on the street, preach the gospel of Shrek, and create shared futures with their chosen family of their loving spouse and two dogs in New York City. Connect with them via Instagram (@supchrista) or at christalei.me or their newsletter isthiswhatyouwant.org.